September 2, 2011

A Poopie Afternoon (or “Baby and Poo, Doggie and Poo, Mommy and Poo” or perhaps “Too Much Information”)

Posted in Water Droplets tagged , at 8:18 pm by Tamara

When this afternoon’s events started happening I planned to post the story on my mom’s Facebook, because almost nothing is too much information to share with Mom/Grandma, right?  However, as the events progressed it became clear that this story was way too long for the character limit.  Hence this post.  If you are not my mom and/or have no interest in will-be-funny-to-me-someday baby poop stories, feel free to forgo!

I’ve been mildly sick the past few days—just enough of a head cold to make me tired and yucky feeling.  Today added, erm, mild digestive issues.  So I put Berean in his jumperoo (mistake #1) and went to the bathroom.  It was almost naptime, and I was dreaming that maybe I could crawl in bed with my box of tissues and sleep for a while, too.  While I was in the bathroom, Rean of course started crying like he was dying, so I went to rescue him and discovered a massive diaper leak.  It had run down both his legs and he was standing in a puddle of it (on the carpet, of course).  This is the third time in a week and a half he’s had a diaper leak in that darn jumperoo.  Wah wah wah.

Even though this leak blew the last leak I wrote about out of the water (and while we’re on that topic, why am I writing about poop so much?  Is this subject an unavoidable side effect of motherhood??), I didn’t have the heart to take pictures and Adam was at work, so I changed Berean’s diaper and got him wiped down well enough that I could set him down to get a bath ready.  When I carried him back out to the living room, what do I see but our little dog Lily crawling out from under the jumperoo.

Now, a little back story, we just paid $56 to get her groomed.  (Okay, in my defense, I have to add that we usually only pay $35, but I’d been looking for weeks for a coupon and she was getting so matted that we couldn’t put it off any longer).  So she came home from the groomers smelling like peaches with a bright white coat and little sparkly pink bows in her ears (and for 56 bucks she’d better!)

And now this afternoon, out she crawls from under the jumperoo, and I realize that she has been rolling in the poop puddle.  I don’t think there could be a more incongruous sight than this foofy little formerly-white-dog with pink sparkly bows who should be all dainty and girly and is instead covered from head to toe in mustard yellow baby diarrhea.  So here I am with a baby covered in poo, a carpet covered in poo, and now a doggie covered in poo.  Oh, horrors!

So I lock her in the kitchen and go to get Rean’s bath ready, which of course requires moving all the dirty dishes from the kitchen counters into the kitchen sink (it only occurred to me later that I could have put his tub in the bathtub.  Sigh.)  As I’m doing that I look down and see that the dogs are playing, which involves Knightley chewing on Lily, who is covered in baby poo.  Oh, horror!  So I kick Knightley out of the kitchen and give Berean his bath.

Next I put Rean in his crib, hoping he’ll take the aforementioned nap, and go bathe Lily, which requires moving all the dirty dishes out of the kitchen sink and onto the kitchen counters (which also could have been done in the bathtub, but my poo-traumatized brain didn’t think of it).  Of course, once I have a sopping wet, bedraggled and soapy dog, Rean starts wailing from the other room like he’s dying.

So I quickly finish rinsing Lily and go check on Rean, and thankfully this time it is only spit up and not poo.  I get him calmed down and cleaned up and come out to deal with the poo-covered carpet.  Of course, the carpet shampooer wasn’t cleaned out the last time it was used, so I have to do that.  And, of course, Berean starts crying again.  I get him settled down again and come to clean up the carpet, and of course, the shampooer isn’t working.  It was a sizable poo puddle to begin with, and Lily’s rolling has smeared it into a much bigger puddle, so I really don’t want to have to do this on my hands and knees (with my runny nose dripping all over the place).

I finally get the carpet cleaner to sort-of work, and am sweating (probably with a fever) by the time I’m done.  Thankfully by this time Rean is quiet.  Praise the Lord!  So I go to empty the dirty mustard yellow water into the toilet, and, of course, accidentally drop the reservoir itself into the toilet.  I mean, what else would I do at this point?  After cleaning that up, I let the dogs outside.  Lily decides that she doesn’t need to walk all the way to the grass and instead pees all over the deck landing, right where Knightley always jumps up to come inside.  So I clean that up.

By the mercy of God, Berean was still asleep at this point.  So, I sneak into the bedroom, curl up in the fetal position, and take at nap.

Oi.

Ironically, he was not wearing the Poopie Onsie today.  But he WAS wearing the onesie that I always hang up next to the poopie onesie (yes, his closet is color-coordinated.  It makes me happy!)  So does this mean that Poopie Onesie is spreading its poopie-leak-inducing condition to the other innocent clothes in the closet?  Oh, Lord, save me!

I took this a few days ago. Good thing I have such a cute helper for all the poopie baby clothes!

Lily, post-grooming and pre-poopie. Too bad you can't see the sparkly pink bows very well.

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3 Comments »

  1. Mom said,

    Oh Tami, my heartfelt sympathies! This would have been funny if it wasn’t so tragic. Some day we can laugh, though. I’m so glad you finally got to take a nap, and I hope you’re soon feeling much better. No more poopies, at least for awhile! …and Lily, shame on you! :-/

    P.S. Those are some very cute pictures! :-)

  2. mary said,

    Berean looks huge in that picture. Like a grown up little boy! Also, I love how motherhood really does change us and nothing seems taboo to talk about anymore! Yep, poop is a huge part of our life. ; ) Sorry for your disastrous experience!

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