March 3, 2010

Big Knives and Marriage

Posted in Watermarks in Progress tagged , , at 11:53 am by Tamara

My dad spoke at our wedding about “cleaving” in marriage.  I’ll be honest, the day was a bit of a blur, but I THINK he talked about how cleaving could either mean something to do with a large, sharp knife, or to stick with and be united with your spouse.  Some might argue that both are possibilities in marriage, but let’s go with the second definition, shall we?

The reference in Genesis 2:24 says a “man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”  (The word “united” was “cleave” in early English translations.)  It’s amazing to me how I can “know” what a verse means and then have God make it REAL, and I realize how much more depth was there than I ever imagined.  I think that concept is why the Bible is limitless—why there’s always something deeper to learn from it.

This move has been a living lesson for me in what it means to cleave, and why the Bible says the process of being united involves leaving.  Adam and I were both pretty independent and secure in our environments, friends, etc when we got married.  We have WONDERFUL parents who have beautifully handled the balance between giving us freedom to start a new family while still loving and supporting us.  I’d say Adam and I relied on each other during our first year of marriage, but it was nothing like these past few months.  When we got here, we had no one to lean on but each other and Christ.  The result is that, through leaving our comfort zones together, I feel closer to him than I’ve ever felt before.  In the first place, we’ve been together nearly 24-7, which I’ve loved.  In the second place, I NEED him now, whether it’s to save me from the multitude of mini handyman-emergencies we’ve had with the house, to get away for a cup of coffee and chat, or just to know that someone else knows exactly what going through all these new experiences is like.  “Leaving” has been a hard thing, but it’s been a wonderful thing for our marriage.  I respect, trust, love, and admire him more than ever before.

Today is the first sad day when Adam’s shift ends at the same time that mine begins, meaning we won’t see each other all day.  On the bright side, he got a job!  He’ll be working at Panera (one of my favorite places!) and continuing to take seminary classes.  As stressful as it was before he had a job, the upside for me was that he was almost always home when I was.  And I just love having him around.  I’m so thankful for these past few months of learning to rely on him more than I ever have before.

It’s amazing isn’t it, that the Bible actually knows what it’s talking about?  I wonder how many other things the Bible says to do that I’m brushing over without thinking of actually applying them to my life.  God really, really knows what He’s talking about.  There’s never been any command that I’ve obeyed and had it not turn out for my good.  That should be something to remember when I don’t understand what He’s doing, or just plain don’t like it.  He knows what He’s doing, and what He’s doing is good!



  1. Hooray for marriage, big knifes and jobs! :-D

  2. Mom said,

    I can certainly relate to that! Most notable was our move to Germany in the first year of our marriage. Not only were we leaving our families and friends, but also our culture. I’m sure that was good for our marriage too, as we learned to cleave to one another! It’s even better when the one you cleave to is someone as awesome as your daddy (my Tim).

I am SO encouraged by comments: please feel free to leave one!

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