December 31, 2009

The Gauntlet

Posted in Watermarks in Progress tagged , , , , , at 9:55 pm by Tamara

This move has felt a little like the gauntlet Lancelot runs in the movie First Knight. When I first stared into the details, it looked like an impossible mess of slashing blades, jabbing swords, and swinging hard objects. SLICE! Two blades went whizzing in front of my nose, taunting “You have nowhere to live!” STAB went a sword up from the floor, reminding me, “You have no way to pay for school!” THWACK, “You have no job” swooshed by. We were pretty sure of two things: we needed to get this training, and we had no way to make it happen.

In one of my (many) freak-out moments, I sensed very clearly that God was telling me that I needed to just take the first step–ONE STEP–in faith. There’s a dazzling shot in First Knight where the camera looks down the gauntlet and all you can see is a blur of blades. Then they pull back and show just Lancelot’s next step, and you see what you couldn’t see before: there’s just enough space for him to stand in between the swinging blades, IF he doesn’t go too far (or not far enough) with each step. That’s what I think God has been teaching us to do: wait for His provision and then step, then wait again until He opens the next door.

God has definitely not parted the entire gauntlet for us, but we’ve watched in wonderment as, each time we take a step of faith, He takes care of another problem. SWOOSH, He gave us a place to live. ZING, He gave us money for tuition. SLICE, He gave me a job. But, if I’d refused to follow Him because I couldn’t see all the answers at first, or if I’d decided He didn’t care about me or doubted that He’d see us through, I never would have seen the incredible ways He’s provided.

As I look forward, there are a LOT of details not taken care of yet. Adam doesn’t have a job, we need a car, my income won’t pay for all our expenses, seminary is just a LITTLE BIT expensive, etc, etc, etc. Every time I crunch the budget numbers I want to hyperventilate as all I can see is another blur of slashing blades. But God has clearly gotten us this far down the gauntlet, and I know that He’s asking me to keep walking. While we’re relying on Him, I believe that each step will keep us safe between the blades, and eventually we’ll reach the other side.

“You of little faith! Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ …For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:30-34

P.S. Okay, I have to add that I’m not a big fan of Lancelot in First Knight, but it’s the analogy that’s the point here!

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