August 4, 2009

Pop Goes the Weasel

Posted in Water Droplets tagged at 10:36 pm by Tamara

DrumstickToday I saw an ice cream truck. I was swinging peacefully on the porch swing reading my book, when the dissonant, off-tune strands of some kids song I don’t know the name of broke jaggedly through the hot afternoon air. I watched as a dilapidated white ice cream truck trudged painfully up the hill in front of our apartment, it’s microphone blaring the worn out song. Its sides were splattered with dingy pictures of multi-colored ice cream creations, but I found myself more fascinated by the beat-up wheels and bumper, and especially the awful, AWFUL music. I couldn’t see the driver, but I found myself wondering who on earth would ever decide to be an ice cream man. What would possess anyone to spend their entire day with off-tune, redundant children’s songs banging incessantly against their ears? How desperate would you have to be? Oh, the life-shrinking repetition and purposelessness! The monkey just chases that weasel around and around and around and around and AROUND the cobbler’s bench! Does the ice cream man dream about popping weasels all night? Does he have wild tremors and spasms in his sleep as he beats the weasel with an imaginary chocolate drumstick?!?

Okay, maybe not.

But, at any rate, it did spark a writer’s inspiration in me, so I typed out a story with an ice cream truck. While writing about the music, I needed a synonym for “redundancy.” I clicked open Microsoft Word’s thesaurus (how I love thee, Thesaurus).

****The following is not a joke, but is an accurate representation of the facts. All accusations made by the Thesaurus are exact quotes, and completely unfounded.****

The first synonym it gave me for “redundancy” was (wait for it…) “Being Without a Job!!” Followed by (just in case I hadn’t got the picture):
• “Joblessness”
• “Job Loss”
• “Idleness”
• “Employment (antonym).”

At first I thought I’d clicked on the wrong word, so I tried it again. Same thing! In fact, I just typed it in AGAIN, just in case I was losing my mind. But no. My beloved, trusted, faithful friend Thesaurus just called me a redundant idle deadbeat. Yes! Betrayal! The world must be playing a cosmic joke on me. I don’t even know what to say.

Maybe I should become an ice cream woman.

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3 Comments »

  1. Joy Pontious said,

    You DEFINITELY need to become an ice cream woman! lol.

  2. daniellecrossett said,

    Ok, so in N. Ireland, one of my grandparents friends (the infamous Jim Kelips) is taking a sort of severance package from his job, and get this… they call it a redundancy!

  3. Tamara said,

    No way!! Okay, maybe it’s not all an evil plot against me.


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