November 14, 2011
Beautiful Things Out of Dust (A-la-carte life update)
For those of you wondering if we fell off the face of the earth, the answer is yes. Thankfully, (after a stop in Wisconsin) we landed in Colorado. Whoo hoo! I’m pretty sure my stress level was supposed to decrease after the move was over, but that has not been the case. I’m not sure if it’s really exploded or if it’s just cumulative stress of the past six months, but I’m kind of freaking out about life.
We haven’t found an apartment yet, mostly because we’re trying to figure out exactly what our income is going to be. Adam’s looking for a second job, and possibly a different first job. We’re also, believe it or not, considering the possibility of (gulp) taking the leap into full time ministry, which would (gulp) require raising support. Anyway, I feel kind of suspended in the air with no place to land. I’ve heard husbands freak out without a job; I think wives freak out without a home.
School wise, I’m taking a rather difficult philosophy course right now. I’m pretty sure that times in life where one is emotionally and mentally depleted are NOT good times to take challenging, thought-provoking philosophy courses. It is definitely adding to my stress level.
As for NaNoWriMo…sigh. I’ve managed to keep at it so far, in spite of great adversity (the day it began was the day we started driving to Colorado, so I wrote the day’s word quota that night in a dark hotel room with a husband, two dogs, and a crying baby in the background, in spite of a dead computer, a broken desk chair, and a semi-truck rumbling outside the window. That’s dedication). Unfortunately, I feel like I’m drowning in life right now, and the stress is brutally draining the life blood out of my creativity. I’m not sure if I’m going to make it this year or not. We’ll see.
The upside of life right now is wonderful, adorable Berean. He just turned seven months old. I can’t believe it! Where has the time gone? He has been an absolute angel through all the chaos of the past month. He had his first cold while we were visiting Wisconsin (so traumatizing! He didn’t like it much, either), and just got his first tooth a week ago (my baby is growing up too fast!!) I can’t believe how sweet he was during the trip in spite of a cold, cutting a tooth, meeting a ton of new people, and having his entire life turned upside down. He’s really been amazing. He’s getting much more comfortable and confident meeting new people and being in new situations. We LOVED getting to see family and friends in Wisconsin on the way here, and finally introducing them to Little Bear.
So, all that to say…I don’t know. Adam and Berean are my parachutes in life right now. I feel like I’m just hanging onto them as we fall through the air to land…who knows where. But, as long as they’re wherever we end up, I’m sure it will be okay. God has always come through for us in the past; I think maybe all this stress and uncertainty is a chance to put into practice what we’ve learned about Him in the past when He’s come through in fast, glorious ways that far exceeded our expectations. Things don’t seem to be falling into place very well right now, but the story’s not over, and God hasn’t changed. I have two mantras lately. 1) “Stress is pressure incorrectly handled,” and 2) this song: